what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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