I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
