ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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