I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
