hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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