I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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