FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
