Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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