Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
