i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
