You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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