I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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