let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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