the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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