Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize