I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
