You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
