im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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