Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
