And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
