you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
