why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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