well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
