he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
