is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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