am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize