my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
