I am midnight drunk by noon
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
