Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
