hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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