"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
