so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she told me i tasted like america
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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