just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
