oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
