Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
