i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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