Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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