too bad you live with your parents still
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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