I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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