you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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