Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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