right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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