Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
