Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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