Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
