she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
