dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
