sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Welp...herpes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
