Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize