he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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