im gay
i know
yea but for you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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