The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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