She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
