My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
