I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
