no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
