your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
