you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
