i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
