So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
