i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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