some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
