Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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