When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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