Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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