My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
