It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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