She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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