um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
