I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize