i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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