WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
