Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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