im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize