I'm lost and stupid without you.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
