I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
