Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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