im gay
i know
yea but for you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
