Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
