My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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