well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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