Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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