my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
