my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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