did you get engaged???
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize