I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
