i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
