It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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