He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Text me some of your sweat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
