So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
