I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize