My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
