Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
