And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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