I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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