I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
