sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
