a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
