She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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