no, he came in my armpit
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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