i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize