I met the friendliest cop last night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
