I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
